Finding out what you want

Finding out what you want and acting on it are at the basis of coaching. Through coaching tools and questions, you are encouraged to identify what is missing in your life, what you need more/less of, and strategies to get there according to your overall circumstances. It's a holistic process to bring balance back into your life.

Why is finding out what you want so important? Because it is necessary in order to make the right decisions. If you are not listening to yourself and what you want, need, desire, and if you are not comparing this against what is expected from you by your family, friends, colleagues, managers, and society you’ll always make the apparently right but wrong decision in truth. You’ll be stuck in that loop that sees you making changes, working hard, striving for self-improvement but then always arriving at the same starting point. You will look like you are achieving when observed from the outside but on the inside you will be feeling forever stuck.

Coaching can help you find out what you want. I will show you how by using one of the most widely implemented coaching models as an example. 

Grow!

Coaching models are frameworks providing an underlying structure to a coaching conversation. They consist of different steps which have a specific objective thus ensuring the coaching session remains systematic and organised.

The GROW model was developed by Sir John Whitmore and colleagues in the 1980s. It’s one of the most widely used coaching models to date. Its strengths are being task-focused and simple. Because of this, it is effective, quick to use and consequently very popular. Complemented by the right coaching questions and tools, GROW is an invaluable tool in your search for and achievement of what you want from life.

Step 1 – Reality

Although the first section of GROW refers to the goal (G), when I use this model with clients I normally start from a description and analysis of their present circumstances (R, reality). I believe it is important and useful to know where we are starting from. I want to know what your life feels, sounds, and looks like in the present moment.

Here I may also introduce additional tools and exercises to bring further awareness of your satisfaction in life and alignment to your core values. In this section I aim to find out not only what isn’t working but also what’s already going well. Following the principles of Positive Psychology and Solution Focused Coaching, identifying areas of good performance is motivating and facilitates solution finding.

Step 2 – Goal

This information and awareness lead us to consider the goal. What do you want to achieve? What needs to change? Visualising your ideal reality can be useful to answer these questions and formulate the end goal. This exercise helps you get some clarity on what you would like to change or improve. Once you have visualised your ideal reality, I encourage you to “walk backwards” to your current situation and see what's missing from it compared to the ideal version.

With my clients, I use the “SMART” goal approach to ensure their main goal and actions towards it are specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bound. This means that I guide you to formulate a goal which is specific to what you are aiming to accomplish. In fact, the narrower the end goal, the easier will be to identify the steps needed to achieve it. I also ensure the goal is measurable and objective. This will encourage you to look for evidence of your progress, which is extremely motivating. I finally make sure the goal is relevant by checking it’s aligned with your core values and long-term plans.

How the goal is formulated is also important. I ask my clients to describe their goal in a short sentence, set in the present, using positive and clear language. This makes the goal unambiguous and intentional. Good examples are “My goal is to live life with balance by (add deadline)” or “My goal is to achieve promotion by (add deadline)”. I then ask them to say it out loud. Hearing your tone of voice and watching your body language as you repeat the short sentence describing your goal, gives me and you as the client a very good idea of how authentic the goal feels. If it doesn’t, we work together to understand what doesn’t feel genuine about it and make any necessary changes.

Step 3 - Options

The next phase is to consider possible steps (O, options) which can facilitate the achievement of the goal. Having a clear idea of your current reality (step 1) makes it easier to consider options. What’s possible at this time? What’s already available? What else is needed for the goal to become a reality? Solution Focused questions can help you stay in the present by keeping the focus on practical and realistic solutions rather than getting stuck analysing the problem. Basically, your reality is explored for a second time but with the specific aim of finding the best steps to progress towards your goal.

Step 4 – Will do

I am a fan of written action plans. I have always had positive feedback from clients that being encouraged to keep a written record of what actions they have agreed to complete and by when has kept them on the right track and feeling more accountable. At this stage, you agree which of these possible options and solutions you will carry out (W, will do) and record them on your action plan. These intermediary steps towards the goal are also analysed to ensure they are SMART. This activity brings us back full circle to the main goal and allows us to further assess that this is indeed what you want to achieve.

At subsequent sessions, the action plans helps us review progress in the actions agreed and towards the main end goal. This helps maintain momentum and facilitates a more successful end to the coaching process.

How do we know we have found out what we really want?

Working out and getting what you want is a lifetime’s work. It’s possible but it’s not always easy. It’s a skill to be practiced daily in our personal and professional lives. Working with a coach to get you started on this journey is probably the most efficient option. We know that the support of a coach allows individuals to achieve their goals more quickly and effectively than working on their own.

The self-awareness and self-knowledge achieved through the coaching session will then serve you well as you carry on this path on your own. In fact, through coaching, we become more skilled at identifying where we lack balance in our lives. We also become more courageous to act on this awareness. We make space to keep doing the things we love. This supports and maintains our happiness and mental health.

When I ask my clients how they know they are doing more of what they want, they usually tell me that although every day has its unexpected challenges and they don’t always get it right as far as balance, they feel generally happier. They notice they are more patient with themselves and others. They feel a sense of calm and purpose and have regained motivation even in the areas of life where they still feel less alignment with their values. They feel energised and more skilled at dealing with moments of pressure or self-doubt knowing that they have ring-fenced time for nourishing and enjoyable activities.

If you are interested in exploring what coaching can do for you, you can schedule an initial free consultation with me on info.healingmovement@gmail.com

Disclaimer: The author assumes no responsibility for the topicality, correctness, completeness or quality of information provided. This article is not intended as medical advice. Readers should consult their medical professional before making any changes to their lifestyle, including but not limited to diet and physical activity and exercise.

© 2022 Lucia Micheluzzi © 2022 Healing Movement - all rights reserved

References:

Indeed (2022) ‘How Do You Set SMART Goals? Definition and Examples’, available at https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/smart-goals

Shah, N. (2022) ‘What is Coaching and Coaching Models? – Complete Guide’ ICHARS blog, available at https://www.instituteofclinicalhypnosis.com/psychotherapy-coaching/what-is-coaching-and-coaching-models/

Sutton, J. (2020) ‘12 Effective Coaching Models to Help Your Clients Grow’ Positive Psychology blog, 7 October, available at https://positivepsychology.com/coaching-models/#models

Wheatley, J. and Hawkins, J. (2022) ‘Using the GROW model to make decisions, episode 17’. The Coaching Crowd [Podcast] available at https://open.spotify.com/show/2nimXxS9cqqkhN7xktHhhs